That Lizard HATES Me.

originally posted @ http://scottmartinbrooks.blogspot.com

little known fact… back when anheuser-bush first bought the idea for the “whassup!” commercials, their sole intention was to use it as part of their new “ethnic” campaign, and that’s all. you see, the biggest problem that budweiser has (and this comes straight from the mouths of A-B executives) is that budweiser is known as the “bubba beer”…ie; it’s the beer of rednecks & ”good ol’ boys” (if we ever wanted to make the A-B execs heads explode, all we had to do was say “bubba-beer”). and that’s the one major image problem they’d been wanting to change for years, so when they were approached with the “whassup” concept, they jumped on it, seeing it as the spearhead (no pun intended) for an all new ethnic campaign aimed at the “urban” market, hoping that it would make bud cool to black folks (that same year, they also launched a budweiser campaign aimed at the latino market, featuring carlos mencia). so, when we were invited to attend the anheuser-bush national convention in early 2000, and they did their big presentation, showcasing the new ad campaigns for the coming year, and we saw that our commercials were being touted as the new ethnic campaign, we all looked at each other like; “huh? what the?” we all just assumed we’d be a regular ol’ budweiser commercial…not relegated to some ethnic slot that would probably only air on BET during the soul train awards. but hey, we had national commercials on the air, so we weren’t complaining. and the showcase made it clear that bud fully intended to continue using “the liazrds” (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aS3op_7QViY) -- who were still very popular -- as their dominant mainstream ad campaign.

jump ahead one year. our commercials are now a full-blown, mainstream phenomenon…to A-B’s utter chagrin. the commercials are wildly popular and beloved by everyone…especially white folks. The A-B execs never expected this, and they weren’t really sure how to handle it (because, as i‘ve talked about before, it was a MAJOR problem that their flagship brand; Budweiser - the all american beer - was being represented by 4 young black guys). so, this time when we attend the national convention, and they did the showcase where they presented the new ad campaigns for the coming year, the “whassup!” commercials are now the center-piece. we are the dominant, mainstream ad campaign for the company…to thunderous applause from all the anheuser-bush executives and wholesalers.

problem was… nobody told the lizards.

after the presentation ended, and everybody was filing into the convention center for the expo, we ran into danny & paul…the actors who did the voices of the lizards. danny (“frankie“) was really cool, he happily shook our hands and congratulated us on all our success. But paul (“louie“) …he stood back and wanted nothing to do with us. he was visibly pissed, and even when i walked up to him to say hello & shake hands, he just turned his back and shunned me. i was equal parts angry (because he disrespected me) and bemused (because this grown-ass man was acting like such a little bitch). i, uh, think i might have *cough* made some kind of…um, comment…about wanting to slap the shit outta him. danny was embarrassed, and apologized to us for the way paul was acting. he told us that they were both just a little stunned, because A-B never told either of them that they were going to be phased out and that “whassup” was replacing the lizards…they only found out a few minutes ago when they saw the presentation. looking back, i can totally understand why paul would be pissed…if i had been doing a job for several years, and just found out that i was, in effect, being demoted, and found out in such an un-cool way…i’d probably be really, really pissed off too. i just don’t think i’d be such a dick to to the new guy, who really didn’t do anything to me personally.

jump ahead a few months. i was in NYC for an audition, and afterward i stopped by my agency. i’m sitting at my agent’s desk, shootin’ the shit, when i happen to see someone familiar sitting at one of the other desks. it was paul. i ask my agent what he’s doing there, and she tells me; “paul‘s been one of our client‘s for years!” what??? that son-of-a-bitch…he’s with MY agency??? she asks why i’m so perturbed, and i tell her the story. she says she’s shocked because paul is usually so nice. well, apparently, he sees me talking about him (probably because i was pointing and looking directly at him while making the meanest of mean-mugs). eventually he comes walking toward us. i stand up, ready to curse him the fuck out if he shows me the slightest hint of attitude. but instead, he holds his hand out to shake. i just look at his hand, then at him. my agent sits at her desk, just looking at us, not sure what to do. paul lowers his hand, then lowers his head and sighs. he says to me; “hey man, i apologize. i acted really shitty that day. i was just angry, that whole thing took me by surprise and i took it out on you guys. but it was‘nt your fault. i should‘nt have done that.” and with that, i was totally cool. We shook hands and all was well. My agent let out a sigh of relief, and a little nervous laugh.

epilogue. some time later, i was at a sound studio in NYC for an audition for a radio commercial. i’m at the front desk signing in, when a lil’ guy who looked like an older george costanza comes up to me, shakes my hand and says; “i have some people you need to meet”, doesn’t let go of my hand, and pulls me away. i look back at the receptionist like “wtf?”, and she just laughs and waves bye-bye. he takes me into the back, through the hallway, over to one of the studios, opens the door, and points to the recording booth. it was danny & paul. they were there recording some new radio spots for bud (up until then, i didn’t know which guy did which lizard, and it was both cool and weird seeing the lizard voices coming out of their heads). he then gets on the microphone, interrupting their take, and says; “gentlemen, look who i‘ve got here!” they look up, see it’s me, and erupt into laughter…danny says; “hey, it‘s the guy who took our job!” we all laugh. the little guy slaps me on the back, excuses himself and leaves the room. danny & paul take a break, come out into the lounge, and the 3 of us laugh & talk for a while…busting each other’s balls, bitching about anheuser-bush, swapping stories, etc. it was fun. they’re both really cool dudes. eventually they had to get back to work, and i went back out to the lobby to re-sign-in for my audition. i asked the receptionist who that little guy was. She said; ”he‘s the owner of the studio! when he saw you, he thought it’d be funny to have the whassup guy meet the lizards!” …and that man turned out to be vladamir putin. ok, not really, but how awesome would that have been?