Tuesday, March 27, 2012

the "velvet mafia" (as kathy griffin would say; "allegedly")


Not to brag, but, it became apparent pretty quickly that I had kinda become the "break out star” of the commercials. (paul used to say; “we like it when we go places without you, we can kinda be incognito, but as soon as people see your big lightblub head…”) And so, my manager, mark, was fielding calls from TV & movie people who were making offers. For example...
A) one of the producers on "black hawk down" wanted me for the role of "kurth" (but he got overruled, because they wanted "a more seasoned actor" -- like gabriel casseus)
B) mike epps had a sitcom deal with UPN, and they wrote me into the show as mike's best friend (they even called the character "scott" in the script)

C) after the first season, ABC only wanted one host for the "best commercials" show, so they dropped paul & fred and offered the gig to me.

D) and, in one of the cooler moments of my career; I was offered the role of DL’s brother on “the hughleys” …it’s a pretty cool story …earlier that day, we had done a table-read at UPN for a sitcom we were shopping …later that night around 9, I got a call in my hotel room, it was judith weiner, VP of casting at UPN …she told me that even though they were going to pass on the sitcom, everybody at the meeting loved me, and she wanted to offer me a role on DL’s show, she said I’d be perfect to play DL’s wild & crazy younger brother who comes to live with them …she asked me if it was something I’d be interested in doing, and before she could get the words out her mouth I was yelling “hell yes!!!” …she told me to report to the studio the next morning for a screen test, but assured me it was merely a formality, the role was mine …I hung up the phone, elated …I got up early the next morning, and my phone rang around 8am, it was judith again, she said there was a problem …you see, a couple of months earlier, me and the guys had signed a development deal with paramount TV, which basically meant they owned us for 1 year and we could’nt go off and work on any other TV shows …so, unless I could get them to let me out of my contract, UPN couldn’t hire me …I was confused “…is’nt UPN a part of paramount? can’t you talk to them?”, i asked her… “I tried, but they won’t budge…see if you can work something out, but if not, I can’t offer you the role, I’m really sorry”, she told me …I had mark talk to paramount, and their response was; if I paid them back all the money they put out for my holding deal then I could leave …my deal was for $100,000, and they’d already paid me $50,000 upfront …which I might have been able to scrape together, but it would’ve broken me, so I let it go (plus, I also had a small twinge of guilt about “breaking up the band” and going solo without paul & fred) …in retrospect, I wish i would’ve done it …I still had money coming in from the commercials and appearances, so I would’ve made it back, plus, I would’ve been working on a network TV show, and the experience might’ve opened some awesome doors for me …but alas, hindsight is 20/20 …UPN ended up giving the role to adele givens -- instead of DL’s brother, they turned it into the wife’s wisecracking sister ...but, like they say; “it’s an honor just to be nominated.”

but all of that is just backstory… let’s move on…

(by the way: for the rest of the story, I am not going to use the real names of the people/places involved... just because, well, you never know... )

For anyone who does’nt know, when people say the “velvet mafia”, this is what they’re talking about… it’s common knowledge that for most of hollywood’s history, almost all of the power positions (studio heads, network presidents, executives, producers, etc) were held by jews. But, over the last couple of decades, when you talk to anyone in the business, they all talk about how gay men have quietly been taking over many of those power positions. Hence; “the gay mafia”, or “the velvet mafia”. (Disclaimer: I'm not implying that it's a good or bad thing or that anyone really gives a shit, I'm simply saying, that's what’s been going on behind the scenes, that's all)

Now, to his credit, mark had A LOT of connections in the entertainment biz. and through those connections he got me a meeting with Mr. X, the head of casting for one of the big TV networks. When we arrive for the meeting, we're told that Mr. X won’t be in today, so instead, we would be meeting with Mr. Y, the VP of casting. Hey, no biggie, meeting the VP is still pretty big deal, right? Almost immediately, it’s pretty clear that Mr. Y is gay...or, at the very least; extremely effeminate. (“not that there’s anything wrong with it!”) He kinda reminded me of a young, much more subdued, charles nelson riley (minus the glasses). He was cordial, but not overly excited to meet me. (not saying he should have been, just describing his demeanor) His attitude seemed to be "ok, why are you here and what do you want from me?" I begin engaging him in conversation (I was always very good "in the room", it’s one of the very rare times in life when my encyclopaedic knowledge of TV & movies not only comes in handy, but it’s actually seen as impressive), and pretty soon, he's loosening up…we're joking, laughing and having a very pleasant chat. At some point in the conversation I mentioned that I'm a HUGE fan of “Cop Drama” -- one of the hit shows on his network. I said something to effect of; I'm such a big fan that I'd be honored just to play a corpse with no lines. I also made the remark; “I'd do anything to be on the show.” He paused for a moment, looked at me and said; "anything?" "anything", i repeated...totally oblivious. It was'nt until he said; "really...?" -- in that way -- that I started to panic a little. I remember shooting a look over at mark, but he just gave me the ol' hey-don't-look-at-me shrug. (bastard) Without another word, Mr. Y picks up his office phone, hits a button and says; “could you come in here for a minute, there’s someone I think you should meet”, then hangs up, and says; “it’ll be just a minute.” I have no clue what we’re waiting for, and we’re just sitting there for a few moments not saying anything. Pretty soon, this guy comes walking into the office -- we’ll call him Mr. Z -- a short-ish, chubby-ish, bald, brown-skinned, young fellow with glasses. If someone would’ve told me he was al roker’s younger brother I totally would’ve believed it. He’s looking down at a clipboard and flipping through some papers. I stand up to greet him, and his trajectory is bringing him right toward me. As he’s walking and looking down at the clipboard he says; “what’s so important that you needed me to…”, he stops when he realizes there’s something in front of him. I’m standing there smiling, he looks at my face, looks me up & down, looks back up at my face, holds out his hand and says; “well…hello.” From behind me I hear Mr. Y chuckle and say; “I thought you’d like him.” He then says to Mr. Z; “you might recognize scott from the busweiser commercials…he was just telling me how he’s a huge fan of ‘cop drama’ and would do anything to be on the show.” Mr. Z looks at me and says; “anything?” -- in that way -- I blush and say; “yeah…I guess I did kinda say that.” Mr. Y then tells me that Mr. Z is in charge of casting for “Cop Drama”, so if anyone could get me on the show, it would be him. Mr. Z chit-chats with me briefly, asks me a couple of questions, like when I’d be back on the east coast and such, then leaves. Mark and I continue talking with Mr. Y, who by this point has taken such a shine to me, that he says; “hey, do you want to meet janet jackson?” “um…hell yes!”, I reply without hesitation. He tells me that she’s just across the lot in one of the studios, taping “Late Night Talk Show”, and if we hurry we can catch her. So we leave the offices and speed-walk across the backlot. Now, don’t get too excited…it’s pretty anti-climactic. We get to the studio, Mr. Y tells the stage hands he wants to introduce me to janet, but they tell us that we JUST missed her, her limo had just pulled off a couple of minutes ago. So, mark and I exchange a few pleasantries with Mr. Y then we leave. (this was right around the time when janet was going through her “I’m really enjoying being single and dating” phase, and when I heard she had accepted a date from that radio DJ who asked her out on-air, and then she got engaged to jermaine dupree, I was like; “damnnit!!! That coulda been ME dating janet jackson!!!”)

Fast forward a couple days. I’m still in LA, at my hotel with my girlfriend who I flew in from philly. My phone rings. It’s somebody from “Cop Drama”…they told me that Mr. Z called them and told them to get me an audition!!! They wanted to know if I was going to be in NYC that Tuesday… I told them I’d make it my business to be there!!! So I cancelled my plans in LA and booked us a flight back to philly. A script was waiting for me when I got back to my apartment… I was reading for the role of a nightclub bouncer who gets questioned by the detectives, so I would’ve been in a scene with the stars of the show. I was ecstatic!!! And how fucking cool was that!!! Mr. Z totally hooked me up… and he did’nt even ask for a handjob or anything!!! Alas, I wish I had a better end for the story. I went to the audition, and even though it was one the coldest rooms I’d ever been in (everybody was just kinda stoic, sitting there looking at me with stone faces), I left feeling ok about my performance. But I did’nt get it. I’ve since seen the episode, and the guy they hired looked to be around 6’3”, dark-skinned with dreads…so, physically, I definitely was not what they were looking for. (because, honestly, his performance was nothing special -- which is something I rarely say, I don’t hate on actors who beat me for roles, there have been plenty of times when I’ve admitted an actor did way better than I would’ve done -- just not this time). And maybe Mr. Z might have tried to collect on his favor if I’d actually gotten the part. Who knows. But, that was my first, and to date only, experience with the so-called “velvet mafia.” And all things considered… it was’nt that bad…

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