...sometimes you just gotta say; "WTF???"

originally posted @ http://scottmartinbrooks.blogspot.com/

…I’m kinda reluctant to tell this story, because I don’t know if the main character had a significant other at the time, and if by some random chance this gets out into the ether, he might be in a little trouble. lemme go google his relationship history, see if I can coordinate the dates, and get back to you…

…ok, according to my research, he was single, so it’s safe.
…it was summer 2003. we were on location in new orleans, shooting mr. 3000. It was the 1st or 2nd day of shooting. That night, most of the cast decides to meet up on burboun st. for a little revelry. I roll with my boy chuck (director) and his two buddies shane and doug (DP and camerman). Our first stop was a little shrimp shack for pre-drinking eats. This was notable because it was the first time I ever heard a now infamous term. We were sitting at the counter, there was a group of young college-ish guys sitting at a table behind us. Then, four 40-ish chicks came sauntering in… tan, war paint, hairdos, miniskirts, high heels, cleavage galore... the whole lisa rinna starter kit. They were blatantly on the prowl. They immediately close in on the young guys, pull up chairs from adjacent tables and literally surround them. I got a real chuckle out of this. I nudged chuck, who turns and looks, chuckles, and casually says; “yeah, varsity cougars.” I roared with laughter. It was SO perfect in it’s descriptiveness. Of course, these days it’s a widely recognized syndrome and everyone uses the term…except “varsity” got dropped...which is a shame, because varsity adds that extra touch of poignancy to it.

…we leave the shrimp shack and meet up with everyone else at some predetermined corner on burboun st. There was about 15 of us, most of the main cast. (except bernie mac…he never went out or partied, he always stayed in his hotel…”the best way to avoid any trouble”, he later told me) As we strolled down the middle of burboun st. to our next destination, amongst our ranks were two notables; chris noth, aka; “mr. big”, and evan jones, aka; “cheddar bob” from “8 mile”, which was still hot at that time. And I found it quite amusing how the female fans broke down into 2 distinct camps. All of the females 25 and up were screaming “OH MY GOD, MR. BIG!!! MR BIG!!!”, while all of the females under 25 were screaming; “OH SHIT! IT’S CHEDDAR BOB!!!” …as they both got mobbed by dozens of hot chicks. And they were both VERY gracious about signing autographs and taking pics, and getting strangled as girls grabbed their necks the way girls do when they wanna reach up/pull you down to give you a kiss. Eventually we arrive at our first stop; the penthouse club. The stage was a U shape, and we took up all the seats at the top of the stage. I was sitting at the tip of the U, smack dab in the middle. We’re having a good ol’ time. We're there maybe 20 min. when, from out of nowhere, I feel someone push me in my back, kinda hard. I spin around in my chair, look up, and see some average looking, mid-20’s, casey-siemaszko-looking white dude. Over the loud music I can’t hear what he's saying, but he’s mean-mugging and gesturing like he’s really pissed off at me. And it's obvious he's had a few cocktails. Now, I have never seen this cat before in my life, so, I have no clue what his deal is. So, he’s standing there raging at me, and I'm still sitting, just kinda curiously looking at him, but not feeling particularly threatened, because…honestly, I did’nt think I’d have any problem handling the lil’ fella. Suddenly, chuck leaps up from his chair, shoves the guy full force in the chest and bellows; “YO! BACK UP OFF MY BOY!!!” Almost immediately, amaury jumps up and has chuck’s back. Unbeknownst to us, the drunk dude had buddies there…they see what’s going down and rush over. Well, the next thing I know, d’ondre is leaping over me, then ian jumps up…pretty soon, most of the cast were up in this dude’s face. I'm still sitting in my chair. Kinda stunned, and touched, by this outpouring of manly support. Ian, with his deep bass voice, was trying to talk the guys away, stepping inbetween everyone and telling the dude & his buddies to walk away. Finally I stand up and walk up to the dude, who’s being held back by his buddies. I can now hear that they’re all saying; “we’re sorry, we’re sorry, our friend is drunk, we’re leaving!” (which has always baffled me…I saw this phenomenion A LOT in my days as a bouncer; guys who assert forcefully; “ok, ok, just leave me alone, I’m going!!!”, and yet, they just stand there, not leaving…I don’t get that) so I say to them; “well then leave! Why are you still standing here? Take your boy and get outta here before I take him out!” Finally they back out of the club, carrying dude, who’s still gesturing and mean-mugging at me. To this day I have no idea who he was or why he wanted a piece of me. We all stood there watching them walk out, and few beats later, “security” comes walking over. A tubby bastard, about 6’ with a mullet and bad facial hair, and a skinny kid, about 5’9”, 160 lbs., with a buzz cut and freckles. (or acne…it was dark) “everything alright over here?”, the tubby bastard asks…and he could’nt've been more nonchalant if he tried. We all barked at them; “yeah! Because WE handled it! But thanks, security.” They just kinda shrugged and strolled away. We sat back down and continued our fun. Soon, we decided to hit another spot.

…there was this bar right off of burboun st. that a few of them knew about & liked, so, we broke off into 2 camps, and half of us went to that bar. We were’nt in there long when chuck bumped into this really cute asian chick who worked on the crew, and started chatting her up. So, I’m just hanging back, sipping on my coke, letting him do his thing. I get a tap on my shoulder. I turn and it’s chris noth. Quickly and quietly he says in my ear; “help me out”, then, with his arm around my shoulder, presents me to two young blondes standing at the bar. Twins. “ladies, do you know my friend, scott? Scott, this is rebecca and theresa” (I’m totally making those names up) He then shoves me toward theresa and says; “why don’t you two talk”, as he turns and focuses on rebecca. I instantly get with the program, snap into my role as wing-man and start chatting up theresa. So, we’re chillin’ at the bar, having a pleasant little conversation…she’s telling me all about how she’s pre-med at some university and they’re in new orleans for vacation, blah blah blah. All of a sudden, a realization hits me like a bolt of lightning… “scott, you’re in a bar, in new orleans, playing wing-man for ‘mr. big’…with blonde twins!!! How in the fuck did this happen???“ But, I maintained my composure and continued with my duties.

…that was definitely one of those “pinch me” moments in life.

(how did that story end? None of your goddamn business, that’s how)