The Life and Times of a (kinda) Famous Dude: May 2010

*originally written 9/08
*original post @ http://scottmartinbrooks.blogspot.com

ok...here are a couple of the coolest, and the most un-cool, things that happened while i was famous...

the coolest moment: "the red carpet"

the commercials had only been on the air for about 3 mos. we had gone a couple of places and made 2 or 3 promotional appearances for budweiser. I knew we were kinda popular, but I did'nt think it was THAT big a deal. hell, I was still working my night job. so, one day budweiser tells us that we were gonna be walking the red carpet at the grammys, and chill in their vip suite during the show. which is kinda awesome. flash forward…we're in the limo with bill etling (or "boom boom" as we affectionately called him), the head PR guy for budweiser. he accompanied us to all the high-profile appearances…mostly just to make sure I (and sometimes paul) did'nt do, or say, something too "shocking" or "inappropriate." (which was a full time job) bill's going over exactly what we'll be doing when we get there, because, frankly, none of us had ever done a red carpet before. and before getting out of the limo, he admonishes me, in his sweet, gentle way; "please, scott, do NOT give anyone the finger, or curse at anyone"…because he knows how I am…especially after that "FOX incident." so, we pull up to the staples center, bill stays in the limo…he did'nt get clearance to be on the red carpet with us. that sucked, because we really loved boom-boom. but he would be in the vip suite waiting for us. we get assigned to some other PR chick we'd never met before. she was cool, but a little, shall we say, "uninterested." looking back now, with all my "hollywood" experience, I think she was probably under-whelmed that she got stuck with these c-list "nobodys." so, we start working the red carpet. let me lay it out for those of you who've never had the pleasure. the whole thing was covered by a long canopy…on the right is the wall, up until the last few feet, then it's paparazzi behind metal barricades. on the left are all the tv networks & correspondents…they each have own little divided area, like dressing rooms at a clothing store, and their production crews are all crammed into these "cubicles" (as I call them). when you walk the red carpet, you're actually walking, then stopping, walking, then stopping, because you have to stop and see if any of the tv crews want to interview you. I mean, I guess you could just shoot right up the carpet and go in…but…what would be the fun in that? anyway…when we start walking, I say to the guys; "it's gonna be tumbleweeds and crickets...no one knows who we are." paul agrees with me. but fred, in his eery way, just says; "watch." so, we walk up the carpet, and our PR chick is going up to each of the network cubicles saying; "I've got the whassup guys here, do you want to talk to them?" they all just look confused, or completely disinterested, and brush her off. she goes up to the next one, and the next one, and the next one. poor lil' thing. no one wants to talk to us. I turn to fred and say; "see?" but, again, fred just says; "watch." well…unbeknownst to me, about halfway up the red carpet, on the left, behind all the tv crew cubicles, they have bleachers set up. it looked like there was something like 100 people, give or take, in these bleachers, and they were about 20 feet back, and high up enough to see over the reporters n' stuff. (I have no idea who you have to know, or what you have to do, to get bleacher seats at the red carpet) so, we're walking really slow as our PR chick continues to valiantly approach the tv crews for us, and eventually we get to the spot where these bleachers are. as we get about halfway passed them…faintly…I think I hear something. it was'nt clear, so, I shrug it off and go on about my business. but then, I hear it again. this time it was clear. a girl's voice yells; "DOOKIE!!!" I feel a rush. and a big ol' grin erupts on my face. I turn to the bleachers and give 'em a big "WHASSUP!!!" all of a sudden…the whole bleachers erupts in one big "WHASSSUUUPPP!!!!!!" people are screaming and whistling and clapping. we stand in that spot for a minute and milk it. I felt just like a rockstar. all of the tv people look up, startled by the sudden loud shouting. now that they see we're actually famous, they're all interested in us. well…me, fred, and paul all look at each other, grinning, and we all have the same idea. we run back to the front of the red carpet and start all over again, with our little PR chick in tow. this time, almost everyone wants to talk to us!!! it was awesome!!! I remember our PR chick had this funny little bewildered grin on her face, like, she did'nt really get it, but was delighted to be in on it. now we're just running back and forth like children, acting silly. kevin james ran up in my face and yelled whassup really loud…I think he'd had a few cocktails…I could be wrong, don't quote me on that… (I had no clue who he was until a week later, so, at the time I was kinda like; "whoa! ok there big fella, relax and back up a couple inches!") ...he was my first celebrity fan. which is kinda awesome. so, eventually we milk the carpet as much as we can and we get to the end where all the paparazzi are, and they start snapping. it's a weird thing. you stand there, and they all snap their fingers and yell at you, saying; "look over here, people magazine… look over here, newsweek… look over here, national enquirer…", all wanting you to look directly at them so they can get a good shot. well, except for this one guy. he asks me; "who are you guys?" I say; "the whassup guys from the budweiser commercials." and this dick actually curls up his lips and lowers his camera, like he's disgusted that he almost wasted film on us. so, of course…I flip him the bird. and almost immediately un-flip it, because I remembered boom-boom's words in the limo…and I prayed no one's camera was going off at that moment. (hey, I totally get it; you make money selling pics of celebrities to the magazines and tabloids, and pictures of us are'nt worth dick…that's fine, my feelings aint hurt if you don't want my pic…but don't be insulting about it…that just aint necessary) but, all in all…that was probably the single coolest moment I experienced while I was famous.

runner-up coolest: "the superbowl incident"

we were at the superbowl, sitting in the stands, and I was standing up, shout-talking with a really cute girl who was in a section below us. I was trying to get her to meet me on the landing so i could talk to her, but as far as she knew, I was just some stranger, so she was reluctant to leave her seat. totally understandable. but, while i'm standing up shouting to her, a guy sitting behind us a few rows up recognizes me, points and yells 'whassup!' at me. so, I yell it back at him, not really thinking about it. well, you could FEEL the buzz as it wafted across all the sections within eye-shot...and you could hear the murmur of people talking as they recognized us. a couple more folks give me a whassup, so, the guys stand up next to me and we all turn around and yell whassup at the crowd. all of the sections around us start yelling it back at us…and this LITERALLY set off a chain reaction…just like "the wave"…it goes around the stadium…people who could'nt even see us were doing it, just to do it. that was pretty f'n cool…and kinda overwhelming in a way. yeah, we'd made appearances at major sporting events before, yelling it at the crowd and they yelled back, and all that, but, those were scheduled appearances, that's what we were there to do, those people were expecting to see us. this...this was different. because it was totally spontaneous & organic, it just happened all by itself…and at the freakin' superbowl of all places! it was kinda surreal. I know it has to be recorded somewhere...whoever broadcast the superbowl had to catch it when it happened…I'd love to get tape of that. epilogue: after that display, I looked back down at the girl, and actually saw her mom pushing her and pointing at me, telling her to go talk to me…too funny…

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the un-coolest moment:
it's a tie between "racist cracka 1" and "racist cracka 2"

first up, cracka number 1...

so, the NBA flies us down to miami because they want us to make an appearance on-air at a miami heat / NY knicks gameon NBC. (I really had no concept of it at the time, so, it kills me now to think back at just how famous we apparently were, that people would actually give a crap if we were at the game) me and the guys, plus bill ("boom boom") get to the arena and we're met by this guy (whose name I forget) who's the PR guy for the NBA, who'll be handling us while we're there. really cool guy. he takes us to this huge VIP lounge they have somewhere in the back of the miami arena. it was quite impressive…big enough to accommodate at least 300 people, wood paneled walls, plush carpet, leather chairs, couches, a full bar, and of course, tv's everywhere playing the game…there's a tremendous banquet spread, and literally a guy carving roast beef right onto your plate. quite posh. anyway…when it's almost time for us to go on-air, the PR guy takes us out to some seats they had reserved. when the game came back from commercial break, they did a short 1 min. interview with us. (just a quick publicity thing; "hey look whose at the game…" etc, etc …and one thing I learned working on live tv: one minute can seem very long when you have to fill it up with something) after the interview, they tell us we can go back to the vip room, or stay out in the seats. that was a no-brainer…vip room. as we're walking back, some guy in a seat above me to my right (white, mid-30's, well-worn t-shirt, what barely passes for a haircut, moustache, beer gut…you get the picture), stands up and he shouts; "hey! hey boy!" (that shoulda been my first clue) I look up and say; "yeah?" "you see them new commercials…the ones with the white guys?", he says. (referring to the "what are you doing" spoofs) "yeah", I say. "what'da'ya think'a them?", he says. "I think they're really funny!", I say. then, he says; "that's right, they are funny! the white boys are gonna take over now! whattaya think'a that!" I say; "what do I think? I'll tell you what I think, you cracker motherfu..." and suddenly I feel a hand in my back, shoving me forward real hard. it was the NBA guy. I look back and see the look on his face, a combination of shame and urgency. he just kinda shakes his head…not at me, at the whole incident. we don't say anything about it, we just walk back to the vip lounge. paul and fred had no clue what happened, because they kept walking when i stopped to chat with the gentleman…the whole thing only took about15 seconds. it was at that moment that I was reminded: even though we were in miami, miami is in florida, and florida is the south. the deep south. you step outside of the big cities and you'll hear southern accents as thick as they get…and meet crackas whose necks are as red as they get.

cracka number 2…

during the time while the commercials were hot and we were their "mascots", anheuser-bush would bring us to their annual national convention. we did the first one back in 2000, in atlanta. it was my first experience being at a huge corporate convention. it was very, shall we say, interesting. but, that's a whole 'nother blog all to itself. anyway…the commercials had been airing for about 5 mos., and at this point we were a full blown phenomenon. we were working the convention floor, taking pics, signing autographs, glad-handing anheuser-bush corporate execs & wholesalers from all over the country. even the south. why do I say that? well…

paul and I were standing there talking to someone (who knows where fred was, he's like a little ninja, always disappearing and re-appearing, silently). this tall, lanky, older fella saunters up. he had to be at least 6'5", and looked like the crypt-keeper's younger brother…in a nice suit. he's got this smug lil' smile on his face. he shakes my hand and says; "son, I gotta tell ya'…when they first put your commercials on tv, I hit the roof! I called up headquarters and I said to them; 'what the hell are ya'll trying to do, turn us into colt 45 or old english 800???'…I was not happy." with a congenial smile and an inquisitive tone in my voice, I said to him; "really? why was that?" so he says; "you know what I mean." "no, I don't…what was the problem?", I say. knowing damn well what the problem was. "well, son…c'mon…look at you boys…and look at me…I'm an old white guy from alabama…so…" "and? what exactly are you trying to say, sir?", I say, still playing dumb. I'm telling you, I could feel it…I could smell it…he wanted to call us "the N word" (or probably "colored") SO BAD he could barely contain himself. "you know exactly what I mean", he says, with that smug little grin on his face. I was starting to heat up at this point, and so paul took my shoulders and gently guided me away.

(later, when I talked about about this incident, a very high up AB executive told us; every new commercial that airs gets phone calls from the public, and it's always the people who don't like it who call to complain, because, folks who like the commercial don't make phone calls, they just watch tv and enjoy it…he said whenever they air a new spot, they average about 20 to 25 calls per week…but, within the first month of our whassup commercials hitting the air, they averaged 250 calls per week!!! a record!!! and according to him, a huge portion of them were budweiser wholesalers & distributors…"those white folks were losing their minds", he said…so, that old cracka's attitude seemed to be indicative of many of the white people throughout the south and midwest… they did NOT like the idea of budweiser being represented by 4 young black guys…and then, on the flip-side…I forget who it was, but, someone told me that when the commercials first started airing they got a pretty serious berating from a prominent national african-american organization…their feeling was; young black men should not be promoting beer in the first place, but, young black men should especially not be promoting budweiser, because, budweiser is notoriously a "white boy beer", aka; crackas & rednecks…so, in the beginning, we were catching shit from both ends)

flash forward one year…we're at the AB national convention again, this time in san fransisco. the commercials had been on the air for over a year, and we were more popular than ever…plus, budweiser had seen a 32% rise in sales, according to execs we talked to. after a day of working the convention floor, we're leaving. as we come up the escalator going toward the front doors, by some stroke of fate, guess who just happened to be entering the building at that very moment, and was walking straight toward me. none other than mr. alabama redneck. he walks right up to me, holds out his hand, and says; "you remember me?" "oh, I know who you are", I say. I don't shake his hand. he lowers his hand, his head and shoulders slump, just a little, and, humble as pie, he says to me; "I think I really put my foot in my mouth last year" "yup, you sure did", I say. he holds out his hand again and says; "I apologize." I shake his hand and say; "thank you. apology accepted." and I walk away. (I felt vindicated that he apologized, but…let's face it…he did'nt have some big change of heart and now, all of a sudden, he's no longer racist…he simply felt bad because he publicly exposed, and embarrassed himself, plus, on top of that, we were the darlings of the nation and AB's top guys, so, he doubly regretted insulting us…I'm sure privately he still calls black people n*ggers, and would'nt want his daughter marrying one…he just regretted saying it out loud to our faces in public…so, I accepted his apology, but, we were'nt gonna be buddies…ya' know what I'm sayin'?)

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the most touching:
a tie between "the kids next door" and "the sad but very sweet lady"

first up; the kids...

we're at the NBA all-star game in DC. whenever we did one of those appearances at games, budweiser always put us up in their suite, of which, they have one in every major city. at this particular arena, the walls in the front half of the suite were glass, so you could see the folks in the suites on either side of you. in the suite to our right was jermaine dupree, lil' bow wow (back when he was still lil') and snoop dog. in the suite to our left was a group of kids, mostly boys, all around 8 - 10 years old, along with 3 or 4 adults. throughout the entire game, at random moments, through the glass, me and paul would mess with the kids, making faces, goofy gestures, all kinds of stuff…and the kids would return fire. it was fun…I like kids. later, there was a knock on our door. I open it (because I was always the one paying the least attention to the game, since I could'nt care less about sports) …it's one of the women from the kid's suite next door. she tells me that the kids would love it if we went next door and said hi and took some pictures. of course I agree, so I turn and call to paul & fred; "yo', let's go, the kids next door want to see us." paul and fred immediately stop and enthusiastically bound over. we burst into the kids' suite and immediately start horseplaying…we're wrestling with 'em, picking 'em up, chasing 'em around, tickling 'em, etc. the kids are running, laughing, playing and having a ball. I remember at the time, I noticed the looks on a couple of the women's faces…they were standing there, smiling and laughing, but it seemed to be tainted with unease. but, I paid it no mind, I was having too much fun with the kids. and they were really nice kids…not obnoxious or whiny, or anything like that. we took some pics and signed some autographs, and went back to our suite, but of course we continued to randomly mess with the kids through the glass throughout the game. as everyone was preparing to leave, I looked over and I saw one of the ladies helping a little boy put on a breastplate-like-harness-type-of-thing, then helping him put his shirt on over it. I thought it was odd, but, again, gave it no further thought and left. flash forward 2 days. it's monday and I'm back home. I get a phone call. it's walter (walter allen, the budweiser brand manager who was in charge of the "whassup" campaign). walter says to me; "yo', dook…at the game on saturday, did ya'll visit a suite with some kids?" "yes?", I said, tentatively. "what did you do over there? did something happen?" oh shit. now I'm freaking out inside. my first thought was, did I hurt one of the kids? or, god forbid, was one of them saying I touched him on his privates, or something awful like that??? "no, we just played with them and took some pictures!", I said, trying to be cool. "I know. that's what they said. I was just messing with you", walter said. I let out a sigh of relief (and called him a bastard). I asked him who said what. he tells me; "this morning, when the old man got into his office he got a phone call ["the old man" is what everyone at anheuser-bush called thos boss; august bush III, ceo] it was from the head of the Make A Wish foundation. she told him how wonderful the whassup guys are, how they played with the kids, and how much the kids loved them. she said the kids were more excited when the guys visited than they were when other big celebrities visited them. she commended you guys very highly." wow. WOW! I had NO clue. I don't think any of us did. and now, it all made sense…the little boy getting the breastplate put on…those nervous smiles on the faces of the ladies when we were rough-housing with the kids! those were make-a-wish kids…sick, terminally ill children…out at the all-star game because that was their wish…and we were tossing 'em around like it was the WWF!!! yikes! on one hand, I felt kinda bad knowing that, thinking how i could've hurt them, but, that feeling was completely squashed by how touched I was. touched that they wanted to meet us, and how much they apparently loved us. had I known, I would'nt have acted any differently (except to be a little more gentle maybe). but not knowing…well, that just it made it all the more impactful. (sometimes I wonder…that was a few years back…I wonder how many of those kids, if any, are still with us…I'm just happy that we could bring them a few minutes of unbridled silliness and laughter…)

the lady...

we were in philly, doing an appearance at a 76ers game. we did our little bit for the crowd before the game then went up to the suite. at some point during the game, bored, and feeling restless for some reason, I decided I wanted to go out for a walk. something I had never done before at any of the many appearances we'd made. so I took a stroll along the walkway that runs outside of the suites. a group of kids are running down the walkway, playing. they see me and all want autographs. I stop and start signing. as I'm signing, from the corner of my eye, I notice someone, a woman, standing back, waiting. for some reason, the way she was just quietly standing back, seemed a little…odd. I sign the last kid's autograph and they all run off. I look over at her and say hi. she was a nice, conservative looking woman, short blonde hair, probably late-30's/early 40's. sheepishly, she walks over and asks for an autograph. back then, I used to have a really long autograph; "hey _____, WHASSUP! from your boy, scott 'dookie' brooks"…and sometimes I'd throw a "wasabi" in there too, just to give 'em their money's worth. so, while I'm writing all of this, once again, from my peripheral vision, I could see her standing there looking at me, with this really subtle little smile on her face. defintely odd...but not threatening. she obviously had something on her mind. I paused from writing, looked up at her, and said; "yes?""can I tell you something?", she asked. "sure!", I said, in my best perky voice, but wondering what the hell was coming. this is what she told me…
"my father passed away 2 years ago. he had cancer. I was very close with my father. when he passed, I was very sad and depressed for a very long time. your commercial was the first thing that made me laugh since my father died." I stood there…stunned. I had no idea what to say. but it was'nt over. then she said; "can I have a hug?" I got a lump in my throat. I still do whenever I talk about it. so, I gave her a hug. she thanked me, took her autograph, and walked away. and that was it. what I thought was an odd, potentially creepy chick, turned out to be a very sweet woman. for me, hands down, that was the most touching moment I experienced throughout that whole time. (here's where, if you believe in god, destiny, or fate, it all comes into play…what if I had'nt felt bored and restless and never went for that walk…what if she did'nt happen to be walking down the walkway at the same time…what if either of us had walked in different directions…coincidences like that make me go "hhhmmmm…" )

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the stupidest (ie; most embarrassing) moment…

we were at the source awards in LA. they tapped us to be presenters, and do some skits throughout the show. (that was the very same year of the big riot…we pre-taped the skits, but, after the riot shut down the show, we did'nt get to be presenters) so, before the show, we're backstage. I'm talking to the director, he's telling me what he wants me to do in one particular bit. (we were supposed to shoot a bit in the audience, which never happened…me and fred were sitting a few feet away when the first fight broke out...E40 and his crew went after shyne). now, I'm completely distracted, because, natalie raitano is standing to my right about 6 feet away, and standing in front of me, about 10 feet over, was debbie mazar, so, i was having a lot of trouble concentrating on what the director was saying. suddenly, from behind me, I hear; "yo, brooksie!" I know it's paul. I ignore him…I figured he would see I'm talking to the director and not interrupt. but then, a few seconds later; "YO, BROOKSIE!!!", even louder this time. I spin around, annoyed, and yell; "WHAT???!!!" paul says, with a big grin on his mug; "you watch oz, right?" "NO!!!", I yell…perturbed that this is what he interrupted my very important conversation for. "oh", he says…but then, I notice the look on paul's face. then I look to paul's right, and I see that he was standing there talking to dean winter…one of the stars of Oz.

I immediately felt like shit. I think I looked at dean and meekly said; "I'm sorry" ...and if I did'nt, I meant to. a few minutes later, paul said to me; "damn, dude…you destroyed that cat…me and fred were telling him how much we love oz and what big fans we were of his, and he was telling us how much he loved the commercials, and he specifically asked us 'where's the other guy, where's dookie?', and that's when I called you…you should'a seen his face when you turned around and yelled 'NO' like that!" I blasted paul; "dude, you totally threw me under the bus! that's not how you set up that introduction! you're supposed to say, 'hey scott, I want you to meet someone', or something like that…you moron!" I have never forgotten that. and I've always said, if I ever met him again, I would apologize profusely (although I'm sure he's long since forgotten it). and the really crazy part is…I'm a big fan of dean winters! he's been a regular on 3 of my favorite shows of all time: law & order SVU, 30 rock, and rescue me!

-the end

The Life and Times of a
(kinda) Famous Dude

Monday, May 31, 2010

My Creepy Stalker Story...

The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly...